


headed somewhere (but i don't know where just yet)

by cinderfell



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Gen, Home, crladiesweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 05:59:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10735581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinderfell/pseuds/cinderfell
Summary: A wanderer, but not by choice.





	headed somewhere (but i don't know where just yet)

**Author's Note:**

> day two of critical role ladies week! vex!

Vex knows where her home is. **  
**

It’s a small village, small enough where you can walk across the entirety of it in half an hour but big enough for two half-elves with a sense of adventure to get themselves lost. She runs through the fields, Vax never far from her side. They tear open their knees tripping over themselves, still clumsy on legs that they have yet to grow into.

There’s a hill outside of town, one that overlooks the entirety of the village and the fields of gold surrounding it. A tree sits at its peak, ancient and strong and sturdy despite all that it’s seen. She climbs up into its branches, higher and higher with each passing year until she finds herself nestled near the top. She looks out at the world below and suddenly it all seems very small, smaller than anything she’s ever seen before. Something feels right as she sits this high up, something in her that calls for the wide open blue above her that she can’t explain.

(She won’t be able to for many years.)

One day she takes a knife from her mother’s kitchen and climbs up there with it tucked haphazardly in her belt and carves three letters into one of the highest branches. One day, when she’s older and she knows it without seeing her mother write it down first, she’ll come back and carve the whole thing in.

* * *

She’s ten when the elven man comes. Ten when their mother kisses them on their foreheads and tells them that she loves them. Ten when the elven man-- not their father, somebody else that he sent in his place-- whisks them away to the elven city of Syngorn.

They’re stripped of practically everything from Byroden when they arrive. Their clothes-- worn and comfortable and familiar-- are replaced with stiff, silken garments that make Vex’s skin itch.

She has her own room. She’s never had her own room before. She’s never really had her own… _anything_ before. Her and Vax always share everything, even clothes.

She doesn’t understand how it’s possible to receive so much but somehow be given so little at the same time. The things Syldor gives them are empty. They hold no meaning, no affection. They’re pretty baubles but, ultimately, meaningless.

She learns that a house isn’t always a home.

They live there for several years, and with each passing season it becomes more and more clear how little they’re wanted by the elves; how little they’re wanted by their own father. Finally, they both snap. One too many snide comments, one too many dirty looks, one too many moments with Syldor where it’s impossible not to feel the shame they bring him.

They pack up everything they can carry and leave in the dead of night.

(Sometimes she thinks back to the two of them sneaking out of the house and remembers the way Syldor’s room was almost eerily quiet as they crept by. Sometimes she wonders if he knew. She’s not sure if that makes it better or worse: that he didn’t care enough to stop them and that he knew he had to let them go.)

“Where do we go?” Vax says as they walk, more to himself than to her. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, her lungs filling with air so fresh and wild that it leaves her nearly dizzy.

“Home,” she replies, already mapping out the long journey ahead of them. “To Byroden.”

* * *

The town has shifted further north, rebuilding a respectful distance away from the skeletal remains of the previous settlement.

A woman with gray hair and dark burn marks across her face recognizes them as Elaina’s twins.

Byroden was razed when they were twelve.

“What could possibly do… _that_?” Vex asks, a tremble in her voice as she glances back in the direction of the old town.

“A dragon,” the woman replies, voice heavy. Vex’ahlia feels something in her stomach turn. “A red one. Big. It took half of us in the attack.”

“Our mother…” Vax trails off, leaving the unspoken words hanging in the air. The woman nods sadly in confirmation. “Is there a cemetery? Somewhere she’s buried where we can pay our respects?”

The woman lets out a long sigh before shaking her head. “The bodies were too burnt for us to identify most of them for proper burial.”

They gather supplies and leave their dreams of a warm home to rot with the rest of the dead.

They camp just outside the settlement, in the woods. Neither of them want to be with people.

Vex stokes a fire in silence, her head almost comically blank as she goes through the motions of normal. Her brother doesn’t say anything, just watches her tend to the flames. And then they sit together, neither one of them speaking. What can they say?

Eventually, Vex feels a burning heat rise in her chest that isn’t related to the fire.

“I’ll be back,” she says under her breath, getting to her feet. Vax looks up at her in confusion, the sharp angles of his face illuminated in the light of the campfire.

“It’s dark, Vex.” He moves to stand and she gestures sharply for him to stay where he is. Vax, stuck halfway between sitting and standing, eyes her up and down. “Vex?”

She raises her hand in a silencing motion, trying to ignore the way it trembles. She hopes Vax doesn’t notice (but she knows he does). “I won’t go far.”

“Vex,” he repeats her name, softer this time. “If you need to talk--”

“I don’t need to talk,” she says through gritted teeth, crossing her arms over her chest and praying that her hands stop shaking. “I’m fine. I just need a minute.”

“I’m here for you, Vex,” he finishes. He slowly takes a seat again, his dark eyes never moving off of her.

“I know.” She bites her lip. “I know.”

“Don’t be gone too long.”

“I won’t.”

She feels his eyes on her as she moves out of the light of the campfire and into the woods. One of the few gifts Syldor ever gave them that they were grateful for was his eyesight, and even that wasn’t given on purpose. She knows her brother watches her until she leaves his sight, knows he probably looks out into the woods long after she disappears just to be sure.

Vex walks until she knows Vax can’t hear her anymore, then a little more just in case. Her feet ache, her entire body aches; her heart aches most of all.

Alone in the darkness, she unravels.

Her chest burns, heavy tears welling up in the corners of her eyes as she lets out a choked sob. Instinctually she reaches up and covers her mouth, used to quieting herself so no one will know. But there’s nobody here, so when the second wave hits she lets it take her.

She screams. She screams until she feels like her throat’s been ripped up.

Winding back for a punch, her fist smashes against the side of a tree and she screams louder as the black bark rips open the skin of her knuckles. Crimson smears between her fingers as the hand throbs, but it’s better than nothing because nothing is cold and empty and aching and at least she _feels_ something, so she reels back for another punch with her other hand. This time it skids across the bark, tearing up not only her knuckles but leaving deep scratches that trail up the rest of her hand.

“Fuck, fuck,” she whispers to herself, her voice gone hoarse from the screaming. Cradling her bleeding fists against her chest, she steps forward again. She needs to… she needs to _move_. Her body screams for her to keep moving, to work whatever this is from her system some way besides this.

She stumbles forward blindly, letting her feet carry her as she crashes through the woods in a way that would make her ashamed at any other time. Breaking through the forest, she stops in place as she emerges onto a hill. It looks down on the ruins of a village long since passed, on the fields of gold that have turned brown and patchy with fire and neglect.

Atop the hill, a massive tree lies toppled and burnt.

She walks forward slowly, her bloodied hand outstretched. Her fingertips brush against the gnarled roots that now lie exposed, ripped from the earth by something strong. Letting out a shuddering breath, she flattens her hand against the tree and walks, her touch trailing up the side. She stills at the edge of the hill where it drops off in a steep decline towards the village. Most of the dead branches hang off the side. Vex takes a deep breath before she steps up onto one of them and begins climbing through.

It’s stupid, of course. Borderline suicidal. She knows that. The problem is, she can’t really find it in her to care right now.

She slowly maneuvers her way towards the top of the tree, the branches creaking beneath her with her weight. As she nears one of the highest branches-- now dangling off the side of the hill-- her fingers brush against an engraving in the bark and she squeezes her eyes shut. She takes a another unsteady breath and unsheathes the dagger she carries on her belt, the one Vax told her to carry in case they got in trouble.

She’s older now, and this tree is dead and so are so many other things but she said that one day she’d come back and finish what she started. So she does. She takes the dagger to the bark and finishes it.

_VEX’AHLIA_

She climbs back out of the tree, her boots making a heavy sound as she lands back in the dirt. Vex casts one more look at the skeleton before moving back into the woods, much quieter than how she was before.

When she walks back into the camp, Vax is still sitting exactly where she left him. He looks up at her as she quietly moves towards the fire, a frown on his face. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” She keeps her bloody hands where he won’t see them, makes a note to cover them before he wakes up tomorrow so he won’t ask her about them. “I’ll take the first watch.”

He gives her a look but doesn’t push further. She’s grateful.

* * *

They wander. They barely make enough to survive.

He joins a shady group and doesn’t talk about it. That’s okay. She doesn’t talk about a lot of things either.

(Blood under her nails as the dagger in her belt sinks into the man who opened her cage, blood on her face as she brings it down again and again into his friend’s chest. Blood staining her hands as she delivers mercy to a creature that’s slowly dying anyways, blood rubbing into brown fur as she lifts a little life up into her arms and promises that she won’t leave him the way so many others have left her.)

And then suddenly, they’re not alone anymore.

Suddenly they have friends-- no, a _family_.

Keyleth comes first, confused and a bit naive but humming with untapped potential. Scanlan, crude yet charming in a way that she thinks should probably be nonsensical but somehow isn’t. Tiberius, one of the smartest people she’s ever met and yet prone to bumbling through interactions. Grog, a walking contradiction of hulking mass and anger and the most genuine protective instincts. Pike, soft and empathetic but rough when it matters.

And Percy.

Percy, who they pull ragged from a cell in Stillben last of all. Percy, who dances around why he’s there and who he is. Percy, who looks her over with sharp blue eyes after he comes out of the daze of being freed by total strangers before rifling around in his pockets and holding something out to her.

“What’s this?” she asks with a raised eyebrow, taking the little pouch he holds only to delight at the telltale sound of coins jangling inside.

“It’s all I have,” he says, rubbing at his jawline. “It’s only fair. You all saved me, after all.”

Vex immediately feels a pang of guilt, fighting off her basic instinct to take the money without hesitation. “You don’t have to do this, darling.”

“No, no.” He shakes his head. “I insist.”

Well, shit. He’s making it awful hard to be a decent person. She glances between him and the pouch. “You sure?”

“I’m positive.”

She sighs, stowing it in her own pocket. After a moment she shrugs, then offers him a smile. She holds out a hand. “Well then, I think you and I will get along just fine, Percy.”

(She won’t think about the way the tips of his ears turned slightly red when she smiled and he took her hand, not until years later.)

* * *

She thinks she knows where her home is again, at least for a time.

She builds a nice life in the Keep. They all do. They become closer, closer than she’s ever been with anybody before, save for her own twin. They grow as a family in this home that they make together. Vex can’t really say that she can see herself getting old in this Keep-- that’s not what it’s for, of course-- but she knows a home when she sees it. She’s been looking for one since she was ten, and for the first time in seventeen years she thinks she may have found a new one.

Perhaps that’s why it hurts so bad to watch it all crumble around them as the city of Emon burns, as they watch people they’ve walked by in the streets eviscerated in a single breath of dragon fire.

She takes one look at the hulking red monstrosity perched at the center of the chaos and she _knows_ that this is what killed her mother.

She loses a second home to The Cinder King and she wonders if there’s any place for her left.

* * *

Vex knows where her home is.

She watches Percy work from the desk he’s made his own in her room, propping herself up against the headboard of their bed. Blinking the sleep out of her eyes, she glances out the window and finds that it’s still dark outside.

“Percival?” she whispers, afraid to scare him.

He startles anyways and she can’t help but feel awful. They’re both jumpy, even months after the Conclave fell.

“Sorry,” she apologizes quickly.

“No, no, you’re fine,” Percy reassures, squinting at her with tired eyes. “I’m just…” He trails off.

“I know,” she says, because she does. He visibly relaxes. “What are you doing?”

“Ah, I just remembered some paperwork I didn’t do, so I figured--” He gestures at the mess in front of him.

She holds out a hand to him and it’s incredibly endearing how his eyes immediately snap to it, cutting off his own sentence to watch her. She smiles softly. “Come back to bed, Percy.”

“Uh,” he starts, glancing between her hand and the paperwork.

“You can do that tomorrow,” she says, and holds her hand out a little farther. “Come be with me, darling.”

After a moment he sighs, shrugging good-naturedly before letting a small smile creep onto his face. “Well, how can I say no to that?”

“It’s awfully difficult,” she agrees, smile widening as he stands and closes the distance between them, her fingers twining with his as he takes her hand. She tugs and he falls forward into bed with her, half on top of her.

He chuckles, leaning forward to kiss her. She brings her free hand up to cup his face, running her thumb across his jawline. When he finally pulls away, the way he looks at her is so incredibly tender that she almost feels like her heart is about to burst. He slides under the covers with her and she snuggles up close to him, his arm curled around her.

She feels at home here, in this house, in this city, in the arms of the person she loves with her whole heart.

Of course, there’s still the little part of her that’s homesick without Vax. It creeps up on her when she least expects it.

“Vax comes tomorrow,” she whispers after a moment of silence, unable to stop the childlike glee that sweeps over her at the thought. She turns her head to rest her cheek on his chest.

Percy reaches up to run a hand through her hair, a motion that’s familiar and soothing at this point. “Research?”

“Yeah. Then after I think we might go to the tavern.” She runs her tongue over her bottom lip. “He’s staying a couple of days this time.”

“I’m glad,” he says, smiling down at her.

She nudges him in the thigh with her foot and he groans at her cold toes. She smirks. “You gonna grab Keyleth for some quality best friend time while she’s here?”

“We do have some things to go over about trade,” Percy admits.

She nudges him with her cold feet again and he yelps. “Oh, lay off! You’re both going to get fucking wasted in the gardens and you know it.”

“Fine,” he agrees with a roll of his eyes. “It’s still very diplomatic business.”

“I’m sure,” she laughs, and when she tucks her feet between his he grumbles but doesn’t push her away.

She falls asleep to the steady beating of his heart.

The next morning is hot, hotter than she’s ever experienced in Whitestone before. Still, it’s nothing to the summer days she grew up with in Byroden. The Sun Tree stands tall and proud, healthier than ever, the green leaves full and beautiful.

Vex leans against Percy’s side as they stand back in the shade of a building waiting, tapping her foot anxiously as she squints up at the sun. “Shouldn’t they be here by now?”

Percy raises an eyebrow at her. “Maybe, but they’re not late either.”

“Agh!” She kicks at the dirt. “I just want to see my dumb brother.”

He chuckles. “I know. Just have patience.”

As if on cue, a gold and green tear of magic appears across the center of the tree.

“See?” He elbows her with a smile. Vex stands up straight, her attention now focused entirely on the tree.

The tear splits open into a doorway and two figures appear, familiar.

Vax is barely out of the Sun Tree before he’s running for her.

“Vax!” she shrieks, breaking into her own sprint to meet him halfway.

They crash into each other like a wave against a rock, her arms flung around his neck and his around her waist. They fall to the ground in a tangle of limbs and dark hair, giggling like children as they cling to each other like they haven’t seen each other in years instead of a few weeks.

She buries her face in the side of his neck and tries to stifle her laughter. A gentle set of footsteps approaches and she looks up at Keyleth, who smiles down at her brightly and gives a tiny wave. She glances back over her shoulder and watches Percy approach, and there’s such love and adoration in his eyes as he looks at her that it’s almost overwhelming,

“Hey, Stubby,” Vax murmurs, face half-buried in her hair.

“Hey,” she says back. “I missed you.”

She’s home.


End file.
